After an intense high speed chase, an officer finally gets the lawbreaker to pull over."You know," says the cop, "I was originally pulling you over to tell you your taillight is out. Why the hell did you take off like that?""Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back."


As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them."His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"


Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.


It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.


A man on a bike, carrying two saddlebags, was stopped by a guard while crossing the US-Mexican border. He had rigged up a primitive rope bridge to by-pass the customs control.'What's in the bags? demanded the guard.'Sand,' the cyclist answered.'Take them off. I need to take a look.' retorted the guard.The guard emptied the bags and found out they contained nothing but sand. The man reloaded his bags and continued across the border. A week later, the same man was crossing again with two more bags. The guard demanded to see them, and again they contained nothing but sand. This continued every week for six months, until one day the cyclist failed to appear. A few days later, that same guard ran into the cyclist in Tijuana.'Hey, where have you been?' the guard enquired. 'You sure had us wondering. We knew you were smuggling something across the border. So tell me and I won't say a word. What was it?'The man smiled broadly and told him the truth, 'Bicycles!'